Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Must Love Coconut

Valentine's Day is coming. I didn't realize it until this past weekend when I noticed an advertisement in a store window. I LOVE Valentine's Day. It is one of my all-time favorite holidays and it goes without saying that it is going to be decidedly less festive this year for the obvious reason that it is the first year in 19 years that I will have no one to celebrate with. I know, I know . . . I have my kids, but it's not the same.

I walked past a vast Valentine's card display in the store today and stopped out of habit to look at the cards before I thought, "why am I reading these?" As I started to feel sorry for myself for being robbed of one of my favorite holidays, I saw among all the cards marked "to husband" and "to wife" and "from Sweetheart" and "from Mother" a card that said: "from Cat." It was then and there that I realized things could be a lot worse . . . and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I started feeling sorry for whoever bought or received that card. Hopefully, that special brand of desperation is a long way off for me.

In the meantime, I was complaining to my sister about how Valentine's Day is going to be no fun this year and she suggested that I should just stop complaining and go on eHarmony or something and find a Valentine. And then, as if to prove the absurdity of her own idea, she e-mailed me a "personal ad" that she wrote about me. I thought about reprinting the text of it here, but some things are better left to the imagination. However, it was truly hilarious, noting, for example, my peculiar love of coconut, my "big, gigantic, clown eyes," the suggestion that any neat-freak reading the ad should move along because that role is already filled by none other than Finn Patrick; that I hate letting my bare feet touch the ground; that I have a uniquely absurd sense of humor; the list went on and on. And to think--these are only my good qualities!

Now despite her ad, I like to think I have many redeeming characteristics. For example, I can do a David Lee Roth-style high kick like nobody's business. Of course, due to my advanced age it usually requires multiple attempts and ibuprofin. And don't forget--I'm a divorce lawyer. I'm sure this career ranks very high on the list of desireable job choices for a potential partner. Ha! Of course, I'm kidding and my sister sent me the "ad" all in fun to cheer me up. (Which it did considerably). But, you'll never find me on eHarmony. Especially because I have already chosen my next husband: Morrissey. He's playing a concert in Milwaukee on April 3rd. I always thought it would be great to see him in concert and now I have my big chance. Rumor has it, he, um, doesn't like girls, but no matter-- I think I have what it takes to swing him in the other direction. Ha!

My other future husbands, the Killers, were too expensive for my tastes. They are also playing in Milwaukee at the end of April and I tried to get tickets to their concert for Aubrey's birthday. The venue sold out in only a couple of hours, so I called a ticket broker. They claimed to have only four tickets left--for $114.00 EACH. I've been listening to their music so much lately that I had almost brainwashed myself into buying them, but fortunately I was brought back to reality by a radio ad announcing that Billy Joel and Elton John will be playing a joint-show in Madison in May and the tickets are only $55.00. So if Billy Joel and Elton John TOGETHER can only command $55.00, then there's no freaking way I'm paying $114.00 to see the Killers. OK. Actually I might. In a moment of weakness, I might actually go for it. I will try to fight it, I promise. I will do my best to resist it, but it's going to be hard because those sexy Mormon boys know how to ROCK!

So, now Aubrey has her heart set on seeing Fall Out Boy with Metro Station-- who are coming to town in May. I'm not nearly as excited about seeing them. In fact, I'm not excited at all. Likewise, she won't go see Morrissey with me because he's "old." Oh well.

So, that's my mindless and boring update. In other news, I taught Regan the difference between a "hippie" and a "hobo" tonight. Don't ask. Just know that these are the kinds of conversations that make having kids totally worth it.


a note from aubrey: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give in and get those Killers tickets mommy!!!!!


mphaley said...

"Please, please, please...let me, let me, let me...get what I want...this time!" I think the Morrissey show is a GREAT call!

PJ said...

Love the updates and love you guys. Keep em comin!

Terri said...

I think the Fall Out Boys and Metro Station would be cool. The song "Shake It" by Metro Station will make you shake it and shake it and you'll be hooked once you shake it, so Kelly you might want to try it, it might not be so bad, or you could just tell Aubrey no because they are too young, and that is gross. Being young is gross and there is no way you are going to be seen at their concert because they are too young!
:) And I did not know that the Killers werer Mormon, I guess you learn something new everyday.
Also, Regans conversations crack me up. She's a breed of her own I tell ya.
Love, Terri (the siser :))

Jim said...

Jim's Brain Says: Go see them all!! There are more important things in life than money and seeing Morrisey is one of them. He won't be giving performances much longer, so jump at the chance. The the price gouged fee before you have to pay a cheaper price but drive for 10 hours to see them. Also, they're awesome and hot right now, watch them at their peek and while they have money rather than when they're washed up has-beens and put on a crappy concert. Metro Station...That is an outstanding band that absolutely must be seen (for Aubrey I mean) and their songs "Shake It" "Seventeen Forever" and "Tell Me What To Do" are the best and put you in a great mood (so I've heard) I've never listened to them personally but I think it would be a great Aubrey band :) Go to all the concerts you want and live a little!!

mka said...

I say go to some concerts too, but wear ear plugs. You can still hear the concert and enjoy yourself and not damage your hearing in the meantime. I'm feeling old. I don't even know of these bands or the songs they play. What happened to the Beatles? ha ha Love, Mom

aubrey said...

to jim: yes, metrostation is amazing! i have their album and i have both of the recent fall out boy cds and i think they are nearly tied with the killers for best band ever ever ever ever!!!!