Friday, May 23, 2008

A birthday and anniversary


Hi! The big news this week is that I turned 36! My folks were in town to help us celebrate, which was nice. Jack said my birthday was extra special this year because it coincided with the American Idol finale. Appropriately enough, I received my "Happy Birthday" serenade during a commercial break. Kelly and the kids gave me the only thing I asked for this year: a basketball hoop. We actually had it installed about a month ago, and it's been quite a hit at our end of the cul-de-sac. I can't play very well these days, but I get a big smile every time I look out the kitchen window and see the kids (usually accompanied by the Murphy boys from next door) shooting hoops in the driveway.

As you can see in the photo, my cake this year was actually chocolate chip cookies. Aubrey made them. They are the best cookies I've ever eaten--and if you've ever eaten the cookies my Mom makes, you know that's saying a lot. I like to think I have better-than-average self-control, but I lose all of it when I take a bite of these delectable morsels. Aubrey must have inherited her baking skills from my Mom. She certainly didn't get them from me. I can't make a decent cookie to save my life.

The bigger news this week is that Kelly and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary! Being married to her has definitely made my life better, and I certainly can't imagine what the past 17 months would have been like if I hadn't had her by my side. In honor of our anniversary, I'm posting an email message I recently received from an old friend. I think anyone who has children--the fruit of marriage--will find it amusing. Anyone who does not have children will find it educational. Either way, I hope it kickstarts your Memorial Day weekend with a grin.

Note: The descriptions of the first three children are from an anonymous author. Kelly added the descriptions of the fourth child herself.

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Maternity Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
4th baby: You wear the same maternity clothes you wore with baby number one, except that they are now hand-me-downs twice removed from your sister and sister-in-law.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
4th baby: You ask for whatever drug will knock you out during the delivery and allow you to stay knocked out until the baby is, oh, let’s say TWO YEARS OLD.
________________________________________________
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
4th baby: Babies are just as cute without clothes. Or in a Size 5 pair of pants that one of your older kids found on top of the laundry.
______________________________________________________
Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
4th baby: You can’t tell the difference between the baby wailing and your big kids’ whining. You know that whoever wants you bad enough will come and find you.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
4th baby: You lick it clean yourself and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
4th baby: You teach your eight year old how to change diapers and add it to her list of “chores."
____________________
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
4th baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and let your six year old push the cart.
______________________________________________________
Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby : Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
4th baby: Babysitter? Isn't that why you had the older kids?
______________ ________________________________________
At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
4th baby: You spend a little bit of every day trying to get your other children to gaze at, poke, squeeze, or otherwise entertain the baby.
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance.
4th child: When fourth child swallows a coin, you let your second and third children swallow a coin too just so everything is “fair.”

Happy Memorial Day!
Jeff

6 comments:

Terri said...

Kelly,
Your 4th child parts were funny. I liked all of them. I actually laughed at yours and only smiled at the rest, yours were hilarious, maybe you should take up writing in your spare time- wait you don't have spare time, you have 4 kids! Anyway, Happy belated anniversary and happy belated birthday to Jeff!! Glad all is well. Have a good Memorial weekend.
Tootles

Terri said...

Since when did Terri start saying Tootles?

mka said...

Woops, I was posting as Terri. Since when did Terri start talking in 3rd person? ha ha I thought your comments on the 4th child were funny too. Terri really didn't think they're funny because she IS the 4th child. Hold on a minute, while I lick off her pacifier. And when John gets here tomorrow, he can change her diaper. Anyway, I hope you had a fun birthday/anniversary.

mphaley said...

Happy birthday! I got a real kick out of the birth order post...we just welcomed our 2nd little girl a few weeks ago and most of those were spot on! Wishing you the best from Omaha...our prayers will be with you and your family.

God Bless,

Mike & Laura Haley
(and Amelia and baby Norah too!)

Kara Smith said...

Happy Anniversary! Happy Birthday! Glad you are able to enjoy the basketball goal even if it is only watching the kids play! Sometimes, those are the best times, just watching kids and their antics! Are they out of school yet? If so, enjoy this beginning to summer!
Kara Smith

katie.elsener said...

Happy birthday, Jeff. Happy anniversary, Jeff and Kelly.
The birth order posting was quite entertaining. Thanks for sharing.
Mark and Katie