Despite the best intentions, Jeff has not felt strong enough to write a new post so, again, I am doing the honors.
Yesterday, they increased Jeff's oxycontin (sp?) because he had doubled the dose of Dilaudid for break-through pain the day before. The doctor said that instead of continuing to up the break-through pain meds, he would increase the baseline meds to give Jeff more consistent and more effective pain control. Therefore, he should require less mediation for the breakthrough pain. The downside of upping his oxycontin is that it makes him extremely tired and groggy. The doctor said this should only last a couple of days while Jeff's body adjusts to the new "baseline."
So, visits were short yesterday because Jeff was too tired to participate. I took Regan to see him for a one-on-one visit and after about 15 minutes she came to find me in the playroom with Jack and Finn. I said, "are you done visiting already??" and she said, "yeah, because Dad fell asleep." Later when we got home, she told me that she was sad he fell asleep and that she didn't really get to visit with him because "it's just one more day that I don't get to be with him." I felt so sorry for her. But, overall, the kids continue to do well and talk openly and honestly about their concerns. Except for Finn--Finn continues to express his anxiety by being extremely clingy at bed time. He cried solid from 8:30 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. last night before finally giving into exhaustion. At first, he was consoled if I held him or laid with him. But after a while, even that didn't work. He flopped around on the bed, rearranging himself and his pillow and his baby octopus that he sleeps with. He was angry and uncomfortable and finally cried himself to sleep around 3:00 a.m. I felt like doing the same thing, but didn't have the energy or an octopus.
My friend Barbara is going to take one for the team tonight. She's going to spend the night at our house with the kids so that I can spend the night at the hospice with Jeff. (Colleen, you are going to get your turn too as soon as I get around to returning your phone call, so consider this fair warning! Ha!). Jeff has been very lonely at night and had repeatedly asked me to stay with him at the hospice, so I am happy that we have finally made arrangements to make it possible. Nightime is when we had our best conversations--after the kids were in bed and we could finally connect about the day's events. I don't think Jeff will have much energy for talking, but that won't stop me from yammering on about work (they have been wonderful to me!); Aubrey (she just found out she is one of the Captains of the Cheerleading Squad!); Regan (her coach took me aside to tell me that Regan is "AWESOME" at soccer and to thank us for putting her on the team); Jack (the informational meeting about Cub Scouts is tonight); and Finn (the naughty, naughty monkey who won't go to bed!).
I will also spend part of the evening reading your blog comments to him. (Jim--don't let me down. Jeff loves your stories and thought your bitter tirade about Hardee's was particularly uplifting!) Keep 'em coming. And if any of the rest of you have funny stories to tell--don't hold back. Now's the time to let 'em rip (George--behave.) Jeff has said several times that although he appreciates everyone's encouragement and positive thoughts, he especially loves the lighthearted comments that do nothing more than distract him and make him laugh.
In the meantime, I'll try to be better about posting updates, now that I know Jeff will likely have me be his scribe until he's more alert and energetic. Until then, take care as always.
And--thanks to everyone who has visited, brought us treats, fed us dinner, run errands for us, etc. Thanks also to the friends, family members, and even strangers who have provided a listening ear and unlicensed therapy to me and my kids! The list of names would be too long to print here, but each one of you has been an angel to us. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't say it enough!
Kelly et al.
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Ummmm...I can't think of a funny story to tell! The only thing that comes to mind was when I met Jeff via ND Club young alums (back when we were still "young" alums), and tried valiantly to get some programs going but with little participation. There was a happy hour at which Jeff and someone else (Tony??) sat under the big ND flag at a bar...all alone! They looked like super dorky ND fans when nobody else showed up for a drink. I also remember coming to your house for Ash Wednesday one year and having some absolutely wonderful soups that you guys made. Thanks for that! It was a great evening.
Brian and I have been praying for all of you and we will continue to do so. You are a terrific family of wonderful people and clearly have much love all around you.
I have a couple of jokes...actually "I got a million of em."
A young couple and their 15 month old son were dining in a Chinese restaurant. The baby was in a good mood and was babbling away in his own language. The proud parents thought it was very clever of him, until the waiter showed up with two more orders of Egg Foo Yong.
Then there's the story of the hunters who went separate ways in the woods, agreeing that, if anyone got lost he'd shoot three times into the air. One fellow got lost, shot three times into the air and nobody came. So he shot three more times. Nothing. "Gee," he said, "I sure hope somebody comes soon. I'm almost out of arrows."
And here's one that I thought was funny:
The other night a guy asked a girl to go to a movie with him, and she said, "What are you, some kind of sex maniac?"
I don't know why, but that actually made me laugh.
Here's another:
"What did your father say about you wrecking the car?"
"Shall I omit the bad words?"
"Certainly."
"He didn't say anything."
I hope you got a chuckle out of those. Both of you get some rest. Love, Mom (Myrna)
I have to share with you a piece of writing that Jim did in high school. I always thought it was funny so I saved it. Here it is, he called it "A Trip to McDonalds"
John and I often eat at McDonalds. I used to order the fish sandwich...until I realized that something "Fishy" was going on. I noticed that every time I ordered the fish sandwich that I seemed to have to wait an unusually long time to get it. I started saying, "Why is it always MY food?" and "Why do I ALWAYS have to wait?"
John seemed to know the answer. He said, "Because they know it's YOU ordering it."
I pondered on that and thought "NYAAH". But, the next time that my family and I went to McDonalds, we went to the drive-through. "Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?"
My mom said, "We would like one fish sandwich..." and she finished the order. We heard them yell aside, "Archulettas are here hold the fish." Everyone got their order but me.
The next time she pulled up and she started to order a fish sandwich, they said, "Is JIM with you?"
"Oh, it's not for Jim, it's for me."
"Ok, here it is then."
I thought that worked pretty good, so the next day John and I tried it again.
"One fish sandwich" John ordered.
"Would JIM happen to be in the car with you?"
"Um, no he isn't, John lied. "He's out of town."
"You thought you could pull a fast one on us didn't you. NEXT!"
Geez, these McDonalds workers are really trained. Two days later, in full disguise, and with a different car, we pulled up to the drive through window, "I'll have a..."
"We know it's you Jim. NEXT!"
I had finally had enough. "Hey!" I yelled, "I'm not leaving here without my fish sandwich."
"Ok, but it will be about 5 hours."
"Ok," I said, "I'll wait." I pulled ahead and let the car idle until it ran out of gas. Just then a car-load of Japanese drove up and they all ordered fish sandwiches. They got them served to them in record time. I went storming into the place demanding my sandwich.
"Sorry," they said, "We're all out."
"Well then" I said, "I'll have a quarter pounder with no onions."
"We can do that" they said with a big McDonalds smile, "except it will take a few hours to get one ready with no onions on it."
I still think that story is funny. The Hardees story made me think of it. If anyone ever wants fast service don't go out to eat with Jim.
Love, Mom (Myrna)
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of
tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter
asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight,' the boy
replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy
replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him.
He's
my Brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be
able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.
Big Trouble in Little Ogallala
I was home alone at 410 and I don't remember exactly how old I was. I can't recall why I was alone, but no one was coming home until after 10pm and so it was a little creepy. I was being as brave as I could...turned all the lights on, made snacks, and was watching t.v. and then it happened! It was late, pitch dark outside, and in Ogallala it's peacefull, not this time. There was a sudden knocking on the front door! What was I to do...call 911, arm myself and fight, what?! The knocking continued...was the door locked? No it wasn't, I didn't want t risk running up and locking it lest I give myself away and have a killer get me. I hid by the couch flattened out and waited. I tried to peek out from the side of the curtains (but without actually touching the curtains)...dang, I couldn't see anything and the knocking continued; I flattened back out and waited. Finally the knocking subsided and I heard the screen door shutting, that meant that the killer was leaving. I got up to lock the door now and looked out the window. Oh no, I see a little female with dark hair walking from the steps with her back turned...It's Kelly! My cowardice and refusal to answer the door has just caused my sister to have to walk to grandmas in the darkness and cold because I wouldn't answer the door...I quickly flung open the door..."Kelly, I'm home...come on in"! Suddenly the female turned around and it was clearly NOT my sister Kelly...it was some cooky looking Japanese woman. She instantly acknowledged my hospitality and started walking back towards the front door of 410. The rest is kind of a blur and it was as if i were ;iving in a dream...surreal...slow motion...time stood still. I remember screaming like a 5 year old girl and then SLAM! Slammed the door right in the Japanese girl's face..."She's going to kill me" I thought...my mind raced...I ran!! Without thinking I ran through the house, out the back door, through the backyard, scaled the fence, and was running down the alley to seek refuge at grandma Ruby's. If the killer tries to get me, grandma will protect me. I ran through the darkness and came upon Grandma Ruby's...oh no, her lights are out...this isn't good! I went in anyway,"GRANDMA"!!! I yelled repeatedly, and did a quick searching sweep of the house; Grandma Ruby was gone too! Maybe she was next door at Grandma Orr's, I made hast and burst into Grandma Orr's! No Grandma Ruby here either, what can Grandma Orr do for me I wondered! She had her front door wide open, every light on in t he house and was watching some game show re-run, it took her just a minute to realize that I had just burst into her house. She was confused and i tried to tell her that a killer was after me and that we needed to shut and lock the doors, turn out the lights, hide and be quite if we wished to live until morning! "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK" went grandma orr's front door! I almost fainted and my hair stood on end. I turned and was aghast at seeing the cooky Japanese woman now standing at grandma Orr's front door...this killer was relentless!! Our position had been compromised and grandma slowly started for the door. I told her not to answer it but she went anyway (I was already planning my next escape route). Grandma went and opened the door, but to my surprise wasn't killed! She and the lady convrsed for a moment and the Japanese woman left, way to go Ninja Orr!! Grandma came walking back into the living room where I was still trying to keep tabs on the killer throug the curtains...Grandma was carrying some kind of stained glass artwork and apparently the Japanese woman was selling such items door to door...or that's what she'd have us believe...She wasn't Kelly...she wasn't Kelly! I've been preparing myself ever since because it's not IF, but WHEN she tries to kill me again, I'll be ready...stained glass art my a##!
Jim, I always called those kooky Japanese people Moonies from Sun Yung Moon's Church. They were always going around back then selling stupid things nobody wants or needs. I still think they're around, only now they've graduated to selling perfume that nobody wants or needs. They have even come into Champions selling perfume! They also tried selling glittery stickers. I never buy anything from them. I wonder if singing Happy Birthday would make them leave? ha ha ha Love, Mom
Hello, we finally made it home Tuesday night back to Idaho. After leaving you guys Sunday, we made my nephew's 2nd birthday party (and had some great Chicago Eye-talian beefts) and then hit the road for Davenport, Iowa. We could not get over the rain, rain rain - even me being a midwesterner, I have become so used to dryness, dry throats, dust, and the need for a humidifier in the mountain plains... that the rain was so.... annoying and inconvenient. (not to mention what the IKE people must be feeling!)
Anyway, on Monday night we had the fortune of dropping into your humble towns of Paxton and Ogallala. At Paxton we toured Olies and even though we ate elsewhere already, they were nice enough to let us view the stuffed illegal poached animals and baby seals. Pretty funny. We then mosey-ed on to Ogalala where we searched for your mom's restaurant. We could not remember the street but did remember the name. We finally found it, but no Kelly's mom, so we hit the road to make it to Cheyenne that night. We did stop by the drug store, because the dry weather and landscape I was lamenting did in fact kick in when we reached Nebraska. Nasty allergy attacks soon followed. A challenge for a pregnant lady who can't take anything but tylenol.
Anyway, we hit Cheyenne that night and were happy to make some extra headway (we usually only make it to Sidney. Ed was sad that we had to pass the Cabella's superstore without going in). On Tuesday we made another long hall to our home of Driggs, ID. By then I had taken some sinus medicine and wasn't much help driving.
It was great seeing you all and spending time with Jeff. We love you both and you're all in our prayers!
katie and Ed and Baby Scheer
Alright Jeff and Kelly, you asked for it so I am giving you a taste of the things I create in my spare time.
This is one of my parodies I wrote. It's to the song "Why God" from the musical Miss Saigon. If you don't know the song, check itunes or youtube.
Hope you enjoy, although I don't know if it can even compete with Jim's storytelling.
Why God?
I once had hair wavy, thick and blond
Now my head looks like a crystal ball
I’ve tried it all even magic wands
I’ve tried toupees, wigs and even falls
I am bald.
I’ve used Propecia and Rogaine
But nothing seems to help my mane!
Why God? Why this head?
Why are all my follicles dead?
It’s not as funny as it seems
I feel like I am Mr. Clean!
Why me? What’s up Cuz?
Nothin’ up there, just peach fuzz.
I dream of hair that I can coiff
I want to look like Hasselhoff!
I’ve tried to shampoo and condish
Hair Club for Men can go to Hell!
I’m sure there’s more hair on a fish
Dr. Bosley can go as well!
I am bald.
Fabio and Kenny G
Have so much hair to share with me!
Why God? Come on Bro?
I’d take a mullet – or a fro!
I’ve got so much hair on my legs
And yet my head looks like an egg?
Why me? What’s the deal?
My head looks like it’s just been peeled.
It’s kinda cruel, it’s sorta whack
My wife still has to shave my back – my back!
Hi Dodds,
I think the following is very funny:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
SARAH PALIN: In what respect? You can actually see the other side of
the road from land here. That why I'm an expertise on the other side of
the road.
JOE BIDEN: The chicken went to the other side of the road because...
(Continued on pages 2-30.)
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about
me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the
road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider
information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been
told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends,
that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple
as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming
story of
how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This
new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be
rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Hey Jeff and Kelly & family,
Here is one for all of you. Short but good.
Why did the nurse go to art school?Answer: To learn how to draw blood!
Smile, Ann Reins (Tracy Mom)
One time myself, John, and a guy named Tucker were fully engaged in a "your mama's so..." battle whilst riding on a bus. John's knowledge of mama one liners was lacking to say the least, but his turned out to be the funniest. As he ran out of his initial "actual" mama jokes he was scraping for new one's and here are some that he came up with (and turned out to be gold)...
Your mama's so fat, she got put in the hospital.
Your mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in the tub.
Your mama's so fat, that they had to knock down her wall and remove her with a fork lift.
Your mama's so fat that she walked around town carrying a dog in the front of her shirt.
Your mama's so fat that she couldn't wash good.
Your mama's so fat that it made Jim gag.
Your mama's so ugly that she made Jim gag.
Your mama's so fat, that Tucker asked her out on a date.(that's the clean version)
And (my favorite) Your mama's so fat that she had to use a compass so that she could shave her back.
Here is my infamous tattle tale letter, that makes me laugh until I cry. I am writing exactly what it says.
It all started when wanted to call Kari. I asked what her phone number was and kept telling me the wrong phone number and I tried to call you they would just hang it up, when do do do and start saying stuff and when I tried to call kari they would do the same thing and the first time I called you after I hanged up John put his pants on my head and I wanted to call you again and John said he beat the shit out of me and after it was already over with I was sitting on my bed and then John comes in again and bugs me and later on back Jim my shoes away but I got them out, later on back John, JIm said that my knee that I hurt was dirty.
I read this and laugh and I also say how mean. I was being nice minding my own business asking for my friends number and they wouldn't give it to me instead they give me the wrong one and then won't let me call her or mom and then I am so sweet just minding my own business again just wishing they would be nice or leave me alon until mom got home, theny come in and throw my shoes away and say I am dirty and put there underware on my head and say they are going to beat the shit out of me if I try to call mom again. WOW! My boys would be in soooo much trouble if I found out they treated their little brother or sister like that. Especially since they were to be baysitting me and it was just me and them at home alone.
Anyway, I have since then have recovered and am living a normal life. But that made me luagh and laugh.
P.S. my brothers are really good brothers and like Kelly has said some of the things they have done have made me into who I am.
Love,Terri the youngest sister
That is gold! Send me that dialogue on a seperate email...I think you already did, but send it again!
Hey, Jeff & Kelly. Here are few more ‘WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?’s for you…
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your point of view.
Anderson Cooper, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
Aristotle-1: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Aristotle-2: To actualize its potential.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Dr Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain, alone.
Hamlet-1: That is not the question.
Hamlet-2: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on coming vehicles...
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Martin Luther King, Jr-1: It had a dream.
Martin Luther King, Jr--2: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Neil Armstrong: One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.
Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Plato: For the greater good.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Robert Frost: To reach the sidewalk less traveled by.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Much Love and Many Prayers,
Mary Louise
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